You thought you could lock the crazy IN, didn’t you, you naive fucks. But did you ever think about locking the crazy OUT? I didn’t think so. So here we are on Saturday night clutching our proverbial nuts and gritting our teeth through the electroshock therapy. Well guess what! It’s a new Episode! Jim Miller is back! Listen in on our lunatic ravings! Music by Legion, Ghost, and the Bay City Rollers
In this episode Brendan and Ben keep it short and sweet with an in depth discussion of what’s new with gaming followed by a review of Justin Sirois’ Beneath: The Inverted Church currently gathering pledges on Kickstarter. And homie, let me tell you, it’s a doozey! So check out the episode and consider hitting up Kickstarter and maybe grabbing yourself a copy. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll barf up chunks. Is this Wayne’s World? Did you read to the bottom? Congratulations! No listen to the episode.
Music by Legion and a couple tracks from the latest Ghost album. Enjoy, striplings!
Brendan and Adam finally reveal to the world the origin of their fixation on bad leather jackets and sunglasses after dark. We have more new shit on the World of Darkness here! Brendan and Adam discuss their take on the World of Darkness as a multimedia experience and they add a NEW FEATURE! That’s right kids, now once per episode your least favorite fang-banging, darkstalking daywalkers will be reviewing (in order) episodes from the seminal Vampire/Detective serial: FOREVER KNIGHT! I know you guys can’t wait, we sure couldn’t. Anyway, there are lots of spoilers so don’t be bashful, this shit has been off the air for over 20 years. I’d say get over it, but we sure haven’t! Listen on neonate swine!
Hail! Blasphemers! Brendan and Ben just returned from the long month of August, where they spend the final weeks deep in the bowels of the Shadow Fathoms eating psychotropic myconid children and tripping balls super hard with the dark elf shadowmancer Dripztt and Raistlington the dwarven mega-wizard. When they returned they found a raven had brought word from Archlictor Miseophant in California seeking some blackened homilies on the craft of gaming. So they rounded up that fucker Shadowsworn Adam from the slave galley he was pirating and summoned The Mysterious Jeff from the Cthonous Depths and here you have it bitches, four dudes talking about how they think it should be done.
POST CAFFEINE REHAB Brendan digs into topics with Full Metal Ben, the Warlord Amanda and his sponsor, Dr. Drew. Lotta rambling diatribes in this episode, but eventually Brendan does manage to get around to talking about his Lamentations of the Flame Princess game. Heather comes on the show and off the air does a mic drop, puts both hands up in the air and proclaims “I DID AWESOME!” Brendan shakes his head a lot and tries to remember the days when doing a podcast about roleplaying games with all of his friends sounded like a GOOD idea. Are you still reading this? For chirstsake, listen to the show!
As a thought exercise, I thought it might be fun/harrowing to take a stab at how much money I’ve thrown down the bottomless, money hungry pit of the gaming industry. I need to break it out by type for any real accounting:
Board Games – I fancied myself a board gamer for a good while. I was regularly dropping $50-100 on the things. I still have probably twenty or so I’ve never even played. I told myself I could play them with the kids when they get older, but if I’m being honest that will never happen. I’m a compulsive hoarder. Rough guess? $2500 dropped here.
- Magic the Gathering – Like everyone else in the nineties I got sucked into the vortex that is Magic. It was like heroin. It was worse than heroin. At least heroin has the decency to be the sort of thing you lie to people about. I told people I played Magic. Hell, I was kind of proud of it. Honestly, I probably would have ended up sucking just as much dick if I had known that was an option. $2500 easily. The only thing that kept me from spending more was being a broke ass high school student. Luckily I punched out at the right time and recouped some of my losses. Hahahahahaha just kidding. I sold my cards for next to nothing and counted myself luckily to get out without sucking a dick.
- Vampire: The Eternal Struggle – When I wasn’t wasting time on Magic, it was Jyhad/Eternal Struggle. II was more practical here, buying complete boxes on ebay instead of feeding my addiction a booster at a time. I’ll call it $1000, though I think it was higher.
- Rage – Yes, I played Rage. Both versions. Shut up. I got into Rage when it was cheap. I could get boxes for under $50. Consequently I bought a lot of them, because it was a such a deal! I’ll say another $500 here.
Dice and Junk – Everyone needs peripherals. $500.
- Dungeons & Dragons – Look, I don’t even know. $1000? More? It feel like more. I compulsively collected 3, 3.5, and 4. I’m starting 5th edition because I can’t control myself. Don’t cry for me. I know I’m already lost.
- Star Wars – $500 or so. Fortunately Star Wars was never super popular. I got most of the books at a discount thanks to Amazon, and the Saga Edition was no where near as comprehensive with books as it could have been. I have thus far managed to avoid the latest iteration with multiple core books. Hooray for small victories.
- Classic World of Darkness – I don’t want to talk about. I don’t. Whatever it all cost, it was worth it. I have dozens of these books, and this is after getting rid of a bunch of them. $2000? $3000? I don’t care. I’d do it again. I’ll probably re buy some of the books I no longer have. I’ll get the 20th anniversary editions. I’ll suck a dick. I’ll suck twenty. Fifty. Line them up. It doesn’t matter.
- Chronicle of Darkness – I mostly stuck with CoD, Requiem, and Changeling here. It was still a lot of books. And now the second editions are coming it. I’ll call it $1500 and be done with it.
- Misc (Shadowrun, Cyperpunk, Eclipse Phase, CthulhuTech, one offs) – Lets say $750.
- Warhammer Fantasy – I managed to limit myself to one army in this game. One big, expensive army. The core box alone with a couple hundred, Factor in multiple editions. $750 conservatively.
- Warhammer 40,000 – Look, I did things. Things I’m not proud of. Things I don’t want to talk about. $2500, even though I know that is a lie. A damn lie. Because the truth is too hard to fathom. Games Workshop pimped my ass with this game, and at the time I loved it. I couldn’t get enough. I look back with shame. Yet I know the only thing that stopped me was not having enough time for it anymore.
- Warmachine – For a while I thought Warmachine was the antidote to the Games Workshop poison. Oh ho, how naive. It is a different flavored fruit from the same twisted vine. I spent $1000 on my Menoth army, and I never really got around to playing it.
- Misc (Anima, Starship Troopers, Reaper minis) – $500 probably. I don’t know. I still have most of these. Somewhere.
- Paints – $500. Modeling paint is damn expensive. I swear they make it from mermaid blood or something.
- Brushes – During my forays into miniature painting, I decided what was holding me back was brushes. Namely that I was using overpriced Games Workshop brushes, and not ludicrously expensive sable hair brushes with fucking unicorn horn handles or whatever bullshit they claimed. I dropped some cash on brushes and brush holders and brush conditioner and yak semen to give them sheen. My painting still sucks. Go figure. $1000.
If I’m being realistic it is probably close to $20,000. The price of a car. Not even a shitty a car. A decent car. The kind where the AC works and it doesn’t make that weird noise when you hit 60 miles per hour. A legit car.
I really shouldn’t have done this.
I first got started with table top gaming in the fifth grade. We started with Dungeons & Dragons. The blue box. A grade school chum of mine, whom I shall Dan because that was his name, introduced me to this strange world. Dan had two older brothers, and by older I mean we were 10 and they were 16 and 18. They had a good collection of rule books and games and we had nothing, because we were 10 and no one gives a shit about 10 year olds, especially in the 80s. Even a 10 year old scotch got pissed all over during that period. Hooray for the excesses of that era. I digress.
Dan’s brothers had a wonderful assortment of games. We spent hours digging through their collections and trying things out. The one thing I remember most from this time is the importance of rules. Dan and his siblings would drill into you how imperative it was that you played by the rules. That the rules were there for a reason and you were not to contradict them. The written word was sacrosanct. The intention of the game devs was as good as the word of God himself, handed down through the prophets and transcribed for us lowly mortals scratching in the dust and filth. As a Catholic, this resonated on deep level with me.
Dan’s brothers also used these games and rules to punish and torture our characters. Again, as a Catholic this resonated deeply with me. The scenarios they ran for us were brutal death traps for our low level characters. The world was naught but suffering and pain. Of course, their insanely leveled and richly rewarded characters breezed right through them. When it came time to dole out experience, they often passed our characters over because “they didn’t even do anything in that fight.” This capricious and arbitrary system of justice became a pattern during this time.
They also had Warhammer 40,000 and Battletech. When they allowed us to play those games with them, they became hilariously lopsided scenarios where their side was a wall of armor and I was commanding a handful of Space Marines trying to take out a Predator tank with a bolter. Battletech was a row of Atlas clan mechs against a similar number of light mechs with no modifications.
Interestingly, they refused to lay board games with us, I suspect because it would have forced a level playing field. It was months before I spent enough time with their books to figure out they had rigged the world against us. That while the rules were important, they also existed to ensure fairness, and they had been twisted to run counter to that intention. I recall a cold sort of anger at that realization, as the wheels turned in my tiny head. I would like to say I got my revenge on them. That I write this from a room in which their polished skulls gaze mournfully down upon me. The truth is less exciting. I simply stopped playing with them. For a gamer, not having people to play with can be the worst fate of all. Looking back, I really should have been asking the question why the fuck a 16 and an 18 year old wanted to hang out with a bunch of ten year olds. That is… really weird. Like… super weird.
Brand new Episode of The Shadowsworn Radio Hour is up. Grab it quick and shove it in your earholes. Adam and Brendan are almost out in front of something for once and they tear apart the Onyx Path 2016-2017 catalog so that you won’t have too.
That’s right bitches, Brendan and Adam are going to make you privy to all the inside shit that they print about on the internet where anyone can see it. AND IF THAT’S NOT ENOUGH: They are also going to dazzle you with their supah-fresh “takes.” Fuck yes. Sounds so sweet.
Anyway, take a listen and get at us with your Black-Hearted feedback: email@example.com.
Spill our tears, we love that shit.
TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRSSSS!!!
Intro: “Ring of Keys” by Our Lady of Shadows aka Vampire Cop aka Brendan Motherfucking Carrion
Bumper: “The Bog” by Bigod 20
Outro: “Like A Prayer” by Motherfucking Madonna for (Black) Christ’s Sake covered by Bigod 20.
Get with it you filthy cretins.
Everyone is at Gen Con checking out what’s the haps for the next year of gaming and I’m just sitting here looking at my Instagram feed like:
Have fun at Gen Con foolios. Have some great games and come back and tell us everything. Grab some of that LE swag for your homies at FMRPG, the DM says you’ll get extra XP for it.
What’s up muthafuckas?!
While you are all trolling the halls of Gen Con you may need some sweet-ass-sweet podcast talk to get you by. At least maybe for that drive home.
In this week’s episode Brendan and Ben are winding down from con season and the disastrous LepreCon while you guys are out there enjoying it’s zenith. They are joined by the Mysterious Jeff for the first half and then by their homie Keith in the second half. It’s our longest episode yet, and really it’s pretty not bad. Except for the technical issues we had recording Keith, that was terrible!
We talk about what we’ve been up to, what’s new with our favorite lines and the past, present and future of pulp fiction with our friend Keith Shaw.
Anyway, pull up a chair, crack a beer, paint some models, whatever. Here’s to episode 25!
Portrait of a playa: KB Shaw.