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Top Taylor Swift Songs about the Old Ones

Taylor Swift is a musical chameleon who has spanned the country and pop genres and created several chart topping hits. She is a one woman tour de force, working as both singer and songwriter, her dulcet tones acting as the voice of a generation of young women. She is also a fiercely devoted cultist of the ruinous powers that lurk behind the veil of humanity, which can be seen by examining her music with a critical eye. Join me on a journey through her musical catalog and into the very eye of madness.

Wildest Dreams

This song is perhaps her most somber, dark work. In the lyrics she exhorts an unknown third party as follows:

I thought heaven can’t help me now
Nothing lasts forever
But this is gonna take me down
He’s so tall, and handsome as hell
He’s so bad but he does it so well
I can see the end as it begins my one condition is
Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams

This person she is addressing is, of course, Cthulhu, dead dreamer of R’lyeh. Taylor Swift realizes no heavenly force can protect her when he rises from his sunken sepulcher. She knows Cthulhu will “take me down” as he takes down all of humanity, proving that nothing lasts forever as all that is or ever was is unmade.

It should be noted Cthulhu is gigantic, truly immense in size. Further, in seeing its true face, Ms Swift’s mind will be shattered, and Cthulhu will appear eerily attractive in its horrid cruelty. The following line “He’s so bad but he does it so well” is a recognition of Cthulhu’s place in the pantheon of the eldest. Taylor Swift’s only hope is that once the dark work is done, once Cthulhu again returns to slumber that this monstrous creature remembers her in its dead dreaming. These memories will stand as the last tattered remnants of her existence.

Looking ahead she says:

And when we’ve had our very last kiss
But my last request it is
<chorus>
You see me in hindsight
Tangled up with you all night
Burn it down

The last kiss being, of course, when Cthulhu shoves her into its ravenous maw, tangling her flesh into its tentacles and devouring her completely as an eternal night falls and the world burns down around them. Truly a nightmarish vision of a grim future Taylor Swift is working to expedite. Absolutely haunting.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Another dark exploration of the hidden world just beyond the veil. The focus of this tune is Nyarlathotep, the crawling chaos. A closer look shall reveal the hideous truth.

We hadn’t seen each other in a month
When you said you needed space. (What?)
Then you come around again and say
“Baby, I miss you and I swear I’m gonna change, trust me.”

Nyarlathotep is the deity most likely to walk the earth in the course of its grim duties. To do so requires forcing its immense bulk and power into a feeble human form, which it can only do for so long before needing to return to the stars once more, literally needing “space”. As the servant of Azathoth, Nyarlathotep represents disorder itself. It only stands to reason that in its human guise it told Ms. Swift it is “gonna change”, for it is change itself.

As the song progresses, we witness Taylor Swift becoming more erratic and angry, increasingly emotional at the fickle nature of this vile fiend. She practically froths as she sings “I’m really gonna miss you picking fights, And me falling for it screaming that I’m right”. Nyarlathotep is an entity of madness, who destroys the minds of those who it comes into contact with. Taylor Swift has obviously interacted with this malign force, at great personal cost to her sanity, which is why she wows “we are never ever ever ever getting back together, like ever”, for she knows doing so will destroy her utterly.

 I Knew You Were Trouble

Perhaps her least subtle ode to the old ones. It is no mere coincidence that one of the most popular remixes replaces Taylor Swift’s anguished cries with that of a goat, for I Knew You Were Trouble is an ode the Sub Niggurath, the Black Goat of the woods.

The song begins:

Once upon a time a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me
I guess you didn’t care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me

It is possible, perhaps even likely that Shub Niggurath came to Taylor Swift when she was alone in the woods, which she admits was the culmination of a series of mistakes. In its guise as a fertility god, we can imagine Shub Niggurath lifted her into the air with oily black tentacles to show her the teeming masses of its vile children. Finally, it released her, dropping her to ground before disappearing once more into the darkness, leaving her alone again. It must have been terrifying.

The chorus of the song starts:

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
‘Til you put me down, oh

This confirms our suspicions about what occurred based on the first verse.  Taylor Swift feels shame at the languid embrace she experienced, and abandoned now that Shub Niggurtath has left her behind. Her shattered mind grapples with what she experienced during the brief moments of their encounter. As she wails near the finale, “And the saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah”.

Of course it did not, Taylor. Shub Niggurath is incapable of love, leaving only a swath of devastation in it wake. How nightmarish to be caught in those tides. How much more terrible still to hasten that end.

GenCon Vampire 5th Edition Alpha Playtest

Greetings, cultists and devotes. The Full Metal RPG ecclesiarchy  attended the most recent GenCon, the 50th Anniversary. Our merry company of rot and corruption answered the call of our good friends at the Wrecking Crew to assist in demoing the newest iteration of a game near to our black hearts – Vampire: The Masquerade

The alpha edition comes with a scenario to play through titled Rusted Veins, a coterie of characters for use in playing the scenario, and a new rule set. Written by Matt Dawkins, Rusted Veins takes you back to city of Gary, Indiana, used as the setting for the prior adventures “Ashes to Ashes” and “Dust to Dust”, and focuses on the machinations of the nominally Camarilla Prince Modius and his rival, the Anarch Baron Juggler.

Gary is an economically devastated city. It has passed through Late Stage Capitalism directly into Terminal Stage Capitalism. Situated firmly in the Midwestern Rust Belt, it is a town where there occurred a systemic breakdown at nearly every level: Governmental, economic, corporate, and social. Abandoned factories line the riverfront like tombstones denoting the death of the American heartland, and driving down any major street yields a view of decaying buildings stretching out before you like a mouth full of broken teeth. No one stays in Gary because they want to, they remain because they have to. For kindred it is much the same. Anyone with any skill or ambition left long ago for the more urbane destinations of Chicago or Milwaukee, leaving Modius and Juggler to their squabbles.

I will avoid discussing the plot in any detail, as I am almost certain they will make this play-kit publicly available at some point for you, dear reader, to experience. Suffice to say, it starts with a pretty basic fetch quest handed to the coterie from on high, and then things take a turn for the worse. Every group I ran through the scenario ended it differently. It was fascinating how people interpreted the characters and how they had them behave as they moved through the world. There are a couple obvious stand out characters with regard to the story, who are absolutely essential to have in the game, and two who suffer a bit in terms of agency and interaction with the main arc. You could easily not have them played at all and it would not affect how the scenario runs. The remaining two characters are what you make of them, and can either be along for the ride or a serious thorn in the side of others if they chose to be.

Rules Alterations

There are a couple key changes you notice right away when looking at one of the provided character sheets. First off, willpower is now rated 1-5, not 1-10. There is a new trait, Composure, that replaces Conscience, Courage, and Self Control. Finally, there is no more blood pool, only a series of check-boxes listed as Hunger. We will examine these topics in the subsections below.

Dice Pools and Success

Dice pools are assembled as usual, with an attribute + a skill giving you the total number of dice to roll. Different colored Hunger die are placed into the pool first, one a one to one basis with the characters current Hunger rating. More on Hunger below. You round out the pool with normal dice and roll. Anything showing a 6+ is a success, and difficulty is the total number of successes you need on a roll to achieve your goal.

A roll of two or more 10 results on your normal dice is considered an exceptional success. 10s no longer explode, and 1s do not cancel out 10s. The botch mechanic is gone.

If you come up one success short on a roll, you may Succeed at Cost. You accomplish your goal, but you generate a complication in doing so. It is up to the player and storyteller to determine what that means. For example, if you are breaking into a house, you may succeed, but you drop your wallet as you enter, leaving it behind.

Willpower

Willpower is no longer spent for extra dice on a roll. Instead willpower is spent to re-roll any dice you would like to on a roll. You can keep any dice that show a success and only re-roll the failures. Given how powerful this mechanic is, it makes sense the willpower pool is now smaller. It can have a huge impact on the game when employed correctly.

Hunger

Hunger is an abstract representation of the current state of the kindred you are playing. As you employ disciplines and heal, you make hunger rolls to do so. A roll of 4+ and you are fine. The power activates or you heal a point of superficial damage. On 1-3 result, you active your power or heal, but you first increase your Hunger by 1. This increases the number of Hunger Dice in your dice pool.

Hunger dice have a couple of mechanical ticks. A roll of 1 or 2 is called a Fang result. Roll two fangs, and you have generated a Compulsion. Compulsions represent your vampiric nature coming to the fore, and are aptly named. They represent a complication for your character and how that character interacts with others and the world.

In practice, complications either need to occur more frequently, or have their severity increased to have any meaningful impact on the game. I only had two complications show up in all five games I ran, and they had no real impact on how the characters worked beyond one of the Brujah being slightly more punch happy, and said Brujah was already pretty punch happy.

A roll of one or more 10 results on your hunger dice represents a Messy Critical. A Messy Critical is as close as the new system comes to a botch. You succeed at what you were trying to do, but at great cost to yourself. In one of my games I had a character generate a messy critical when attacking a police officer with feral claws. I ruled he killed the man, but in so doing got his hands stuck in the officers body armor and was going to have to spend time and take damage extricating himself from the situation. A messy situation when you are surrounded by his armed, angry friends and wearing him as a bracelet. An exceptional success always overrides a Messy Critical.

As a final note, having Hunger rolls, a Hunger meter, and Hunger dice all having similar names but representing functionally different things caused a lot of confusion among the players. I eventually went back to calling Hunger rolls Rousing the Blood from the pre-alpha rule-set, and that helped a lot. Hunger and Hunger dice are linked enough that keeping their names the same worked out well.

Composure

Composure is rolled to resist frenzy and spent to avoid compulsions. The compulsions encountered in my play-throughs were never bothersome enough to warrant spending composure to resist them. For frenzy, you roll your current composure, seeking to roll under your humanity for the die to be considered a success. Thematically, this works well, as it represents less humane vampires being closer to their beast, and thus more likely to frenzy. From a rules perspective, this is an inversion of the usual process and caused a great deal of confusion for my players when we encountered it.

Humanity

Humanity has has significant alterations. It is still rated 1-10, but gone are the Hierarchy of Sins. Instead you have Touchstones, which are three mortals who hold special meaning to your characters. Having a touchstone be damaged causes you to lose a humanity. Having a touchstone destroyed loses two. If you are responsible for the injury or death, you lose more. Embracing a human causes you to lose an additional humanity. The worst case scenario, then, is to embrace your own touchstone. That will set you back quite a ways on your humanity track. Effectively you can kill humans when feeding or in combat without any effect. It is up to the Storyteller to decide when your character does something so heinous that she wishes to impose a humanity loss for the action.

Other Rules

There are changes to Initiative and Combat, but I don’t want to bog down too deeply into those, as I consider them ancillary to a Horror game. Necessary, but not the primary focus. Suffice to say, combat is fast and deadly. Vampires can destroy humans easily. All is right in the world for people who want to rip off someone’s jaw bone and beat them to death with it. Celerity level 1 is almost comically broken in a gunfight. I am hoping someone takes a look at it and either addresses it with regard to multiple combatants or changes the wording entirely.

Final Thoughts

The new vampire promises to be very good, even exceptional provided they continue their strong writing and focus on noir urban horror. As the global jyhad rescinds into the background, a more personal struggle for survival in the final nights takes center stage. The world is relentlessly bleak and the future is anything but certain. Welcome to YOUR World of Darkness.

The Warlord’s Words

Greetings, I am the Warlord Amanda.

Here’s a quick run-down.

I was born n raised in Arizona, so I have a good idea what hell is like, and have been a geek since I popped out of the womb…literally.  Being named after Spock’s mother didn’t really give me a chance to be anything else, not that I would want to be anything else!!  I fell in love with comic books a little after I could walk, I know…I cringe when I think of a child with a comic book too.

I didn’t get into gaming until grade school.  Actually, I didn’t get into RPGs until grade school, I was playing video n board games way younger.  I’ve always been a geek, it was as natural as breathing, even though my childhood was spent during the age of bullying and horrendous geek shaming and stereotyping, I never wanted to be anything else.  I didn’t care that my lunch breaks were spent alone because I had my games, my comics and I knew I was smarter than everyone else, so who cared what the other monkeys thought?  I didn’t really meet like-minded people until high school, which is where my heavy rpg playing began.  Who was I playing with before?  Mostly my mom’s friends and the occasional Sci-Fi con game where I was the token kid.

Anyhoo, my point is I’ve been around the geeky block and kicked it’s ass repeatedly.  I’ve weathered the bullying storm when it was in high gear.  I am loving the new popularity of geekiness!!  My warlord status was earned…best to not forget that  =)  I will occasionally get tipsy, or drunk, and share some stories and/or insights here.  I raise my glass to you.

I am the Warlord Amanda…you may tremble now.

 

The 4th writing. . .

As Zalam recalled the night of his embrace, he burned with hatred. This hatred was scalding hot, so fiery that he could barely contain himself. He yearned to bury his blade in Claudius Giovanni along with the rest of the Conspiracy of Isaac. And topping that list, Augustus Giovanni. He breathed quietly to himself: “One day, I will have my revenge.”

The truth was that Zalam had never felt powerlessness like he felt that night, even back in his days at the orphanage. His twisted birth was at the hands of the orphanage. But the misery he had experienced during the Feast put that birth to shame. Just what kind of twisted abomination would be born from the Feast?

Zalam thought back to his recent dreams. Just who was the man in black whose hatred matched his? The power that man wielded seemed born from an infinite hatred that spanned eons. Zalam was no stranger to power born of hatred. For Zalam, his course seemed set. And yet, here he sat captured by the enemies of his enemies.

If only Zalam could convince them of his desire for vengeance and his alignment with whatever goals they had. He would use all his flowery language to speak on his behalf against the Conspiracy. He had to hate the Conspiracy more than his captors, after all, he was a victim of their depravity. And every night, he would forever wake with the marks of that depravity, reminding him of his impotence against their power.

Further, Zalam hated his new awakening. He hated his loss of control. He prided himself on being a monster, but a monster in control. Whatever they had done to him that night, they had taken his control. Zalam vowed to not lose himself again. Zalam would beat back the monster inside himself. He would control it. He would use it. He would allow it to rage only when it suited him.

And finally, Zalam thought of his fellow captives, all victims of the Conspiracy. He knew that he could not be alone in his desire for vengeance. Would his companions join him in his campaign of vengeance? If they would not, so be it. But if they stood in his way? They were as good as dead.

Warhammer 40,000 Armies Review

There is a lot of debate in the Warhammer 40,000 community about which army is the “best”.  Usually it depends on the current shape of the tournament scene scene, which codex was released most recently, and the scenario being played. I believe we can now call the argument settled, however. The best army is…

The Ultramarines. Period.

Smurf marines are the greatest army in the history of ever. They are the only Space Marine army that ever had their own Citadel paint color: Ultramarines Blue.

“But, Adam, that is clearly untrue. What about Dark Angels Green?”

Oh, you mean little bitch green?

“And Space Wolves Grey?”

Little bitch grey?

“But, Adam, I really like my army, the…”

Let me break this down for you:

Other Space Marines: Little bitches
Eldar: Pointy eared little bitches
Dark Eldar: Emo pointy eared little bitches
Chaos: Little metal band reject bitches
Tyranids: Little bug bitches
Imperial Guard: Little flashlight bitches
Necrons: Little bitch bots
Tau: Little anime bitches
Orks: Orks are pretty dope. They are all right.

It wasn’t always this way. There used to be room for debate, but what sealed the deal for me was this:

https://www.warhammer-community.com/2017/02/03/march-for-macragge/

Look at this shit. Feast upon it with your eyes. It is beautiful. Roboute Guilliman is back. He is here to fuck up everyone’s day. Lets just take a trip through his abilities:

He has his own special gear: the Armour of the Fates and the Emperor’s sword. That is right. He carries the sword of the Emperor of mankind. Does he need it? No. He can kill every other model in the game with his bare hands.  Look at this blonde haired, blue eyed, ubermensch looking fucker. I’m sure seeing this model gives Richard Spencer a boner.

He automatically passes all leadership tests.

He automatically wounds on all hits.

He automatically hits.

He counts as HQ, Elite, and a Troop choice.

His penis counts as a power weapon

He gets 400 attacks per turn. 401 if he is in close combat and can use his penis.

He cannot be wounded, ever.

He immediately claims all objectives on the board as soon as he is placed on it.

If the opposing player so much as looks at the model, they are struck blind.

If anyone in the gaming store fails to take a knee in reverence when you reveal the model, they are immediately killed.

You don’t deserve to field this model. No one does. He has changed the game forever. You field this model and everything dies everywhere. Game over.

Ultra. Marines.

Writing Number 3

When one has tread into the depths of both the criminal underworld and the occult, a sixth sense, an intuition is born. It was with this intuition that Zalam, newly awoken from a dream that he can only describe as fantastical and likely prescient in some fashion, that Zalam found himself with the strange desire to take a walk in the cold, damp air in the middle of the night.

At first, he thought about the dream. But he could make neither heads nor tales of whatever meaning was intended for him through the vision.  And when he hit the cold air, his intuition served him yet again as he saw visitors approaching in the middle of the night. Zalam secreted himself so as to not disturb these visitors and to yet observe their passing.

To his surprise, it was Lothar and a young, foreign girl. Zalam’s eyes followed the young girl. It was readily apparent that all was not what it seemed with her. As they passed Zalam, it seemed like she even saw him hiding in the darkness while Lothar was oblivious. And to Zalam’s surprise they entered not only the inn but went directly to Zalam’s room.

Zalam followed them, as they returned to their horse unable to find their objective who was at this point watching them and doing his best to listen to any clues as to why they sought him in the middle of the night. And son the most intriguing of discoveries. The young woman was dressed in clothes that certainly did not seem like they matched the cold. And he could not see her breath in the cold air no matter how hard he squinted. Lothar’s was readily apparent, but hers was nowhere to be seen.

At this point, Zalam made a choice. He revealed himself to inquire as to why they sought him. In truth, it did not matter what they said. He would seize on it for a chance to investigate this girl. Intuition can be a shockingly powerful thing. Who would know that with that one decision, Zalam would come face to face with the puissance he desires so greatly?

And so Zalam found himself in Castle Giovanni, a depraved manse in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of the depravity, the young girl, Nouri, revealed her true nature to him. Nothing could have prepared him for such a revelation! He knew how dangerous his situations was.  How could he not? But his goal was so close. And so he followed Nouri into the depths of the castle.

He was not disappointed. He saw monsters the like of which he hadn’t imagined could truly exist. He even incurred the wrath of one such monster only to have its hand stayed by one who calls himself Augustus. And what did Zalam learn of Augustus? He was in possession of everything he desired! Power over death! Mystical power over the dead! How could Zalam not crave what Augustus demonstrated? But Augustus laughed and denied Zalam this future that he wanted.  And after Augustus performed a divination of Zalam’s future, Zalam was left with one word, one name: Yocalo before he was rendered unconscious.

Old man, I hope you are one day in a position in which Zalam has something you desire. Then Zalam can merely chuckle and announce that such things are not for you.

Writing Number 2

And we continue with more of Zalam’s impressions of his companions:

 

Zalam was not disappointed. Meeting more of the soon to be Gala’s guests has been a special pleasure for Zalam. He wonders at just what individual can bring together such a disparate group. He looks forward to meeting Claudius Giovanni.

First, there is the Local. He has all the bearings of the these moldy country lords, while likely not exactly one of them himself. Zalam cares little for this little lord. But his friend? The one that we shall refer to as the HIdden?

At first, the HIdden seemed like a run of the mill, foreign noble. But to Zalam’s surprise, his mask was jarred loose by another of the guests, the Roman.  During the evenings festivities, the Roman told a captivating story of a fallen noble, one whose heart matched Zalam’s. The Hidden reacted poorly to this tale. It seems the Roman was sharing with others the tale of the Hidden’s past.  The hidden was quick to denounce and attempt to extricate himself from this portrait of the Roman’s, but if it proves truthful, Zalam should like to make the Hidden’s aquaintance.

The Roman. A man who seemed more interesting than he turned out to be. Zalam thought initially that the Roman might prove to be something of a kindred spirit or at least a potential ally. But who should think that when he was revealing the HIdden, he revealed himself to be upright, boring, and utterly uninteresting. At least there is the Slave.

The Slave harkens from Zalam’s home state. Zalam seems this one as dangerous. If this one truly was one of the devout, how could he coexist with this group of miscreants? Especially the Entertainment. Should the Slave recognize the not so hidden Entertainment, Zalam could find himself on the losing end. He must occupy this Slave’s sight. He must serve to hide his companions.  Otherwise this Slave might prove troublesome.

It is with this in mind that Zalam helped the Entertainment pursue his fiendish pleasures. It is with this in mind that he kept the Slaves attention on himself rather than any of his other companions. And it is with this in mind that his eyes secretly follow the Slave.

Writing Number 1

I have been slacking in that I have not posted my writings like I said I would. Here is the first writing:

The night was cold and damp. For Zalam, away from his creature comforts and servants, it was a time to reflect on his purpose for accepting the invitation of Claudius Giovanni.  Why accept this invitation to go to the middle of nowhere and risk his life for a ridiculous part in the middle of nowhere? After all, Zalam is not stupid. He has heard of the horrors that await an unwary traveler on the roads in this moldy, old country.

But Zalam was nothing if not ambitious. He holds high hopes of becoming something far greater than a criminal, even one high up on the food chain in the criminal world. Earthy pleasures and comforts were close to meaningless to him. They served more to establish an image in other’s eyes rather than for his amusement. So why accept this invitation?

In a word, intuition. Zalam has attempted to cultivate his understanding of the shrouded occult. And when an opportunity comes knocking, one that tickles his deepest pursuit, he will not be found wanting. And then there are his “companions” on the journey. They have cemented his belief in the fact that this journey is beyond the pale and not a simple debauched party.

There is the Dealer in antiquities that shows a devout exterior. He passes off forgeries and blasphemies to those that know no better. Even though the dealer believes himself to be hidden and above reproach, to Zalam his tricks are obvious and entertaining. Surely this dealer doesn’t think that he has been invited because he has some legitimate reliquaries for sale? After all, if Zalam sees through him he thinks it likely that others, like their host, will as well.

Then there is the Entertainment. With Zalam’s past, it is easy for him to recognize a true killer, especially one that does little to hide his nature.  And he is also a guest invited to this gala. Zalam sees in this one a kindred soul to a certain degree. And he also sees one who is experienced with death as he is, one who has caressed the dying to see their last breath up close. What observations he must have! He will use this one to further his own understanding.

And then there is Lothar Giovanni, the one that invited them. His mask is easy to penetrate. He is no less a killer than the Entertainment or Zalam. One like this serves a master who in turn had invited this group of miscreants. Why should Zalam not be intruiged?

Gamma World – Man down

We met for Gamma World again, though we were down a man, so I had to quickly throw something together. I had this idea (it was a really one note idea) that if needed I could run as a session when one of the players disappeared.  With that background, I tossed something together for Mae Lyn and Krunk Mayhem.

Our session started with the trio surveying the carnage wrought by the leviathan in the wake of the battle of the bros. That escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast. Our heroes, if we can call them heroes at this point, stood in awe of the great beast, when a beam of light descended and sucked Sports Authority into the air, like in Fire in the Sky or Whitley Strieber’s Communion, which I was incorrectly attributing to Ridley Scott the entire time. Whatever, it is all aliens.

Surveying the landscape, a now winged Mae Lyn (yay, alpha flux!) started to sing A Whole New World From Aladdin after rolling very poorly. Krunk Mayhem fared better and saw a crashed saucer in a nearby building.  Could it be connected? Of course it is. Off they went.

Inside the saucer they met a little gray alien by the name of Probeulon15783754EXC, though he told them they could call him Probeulon15783754 for short. Attempts to refer to him as Probe-y or Probeulon were rebuffed. And thus began the theme of the session: One long “joke” about aliens probing rectums. I am hilarious and clever.

Eventually coming to terms with ol’ Probe-y, the now dynamic duo were about to be sent into orbit aboard the alien mothership to locate Sports Authority. They acquired some guns that would allow them unlimited ranged shooting aboard the craft (because science reasons, and because there hasn’t been much gunplay in the game). A side mission was to find cleaning fluid for all of Probeulon’s various probes, which he had run out of on account of his gratuitous probing. Another side mission was to kick some ass on the mothership because, “Those guys are all dicks.”

With a good enough reason in hand, the party was teleported away.  Boarding the alien craft, they wandered the hallways, finding some aliens with which to do battle. This was a hard fought encounter, particularly for Mae Lyn. It was very close at several points and swung wildly back and forth. Encounter design for two players is a pretty dicey proposition. With worse rolls from the enemies the player’s would have steam rolled it. If a couple other rolls had gone in favor of the baddies, the party would have wiped. Battling against lasers and probes and laser probes, it was rough.

After the fight some spectacularly bad rolls resulted in them disabling gravity on the ship. A roll of 1 followed by another 1 trying to fix the first failed roll. They bounced around the ship, finding cells holding other prisoners, who they released. The prisoners led our duo to the probing room, where they hoped to find Sports Authority. Entering the facility, another fight broke out. And by broke out, I mean they walked into the room, rolled initiative, and were promptly dropped in two hits by Rocket Drones. Those things are insanely overpowered for level 3. Glass cannons. Since the drones won initiative on a roll of 20 and they have a blast recharge power it was a hilariously lopsided battle.

Gravity restored, Mae Lyn and Krunk Mayhem awoke on the probing table. Mae Lyn used her new dominate Alpha mutation power to great effect, while Krunk Mayhem rolled another 1 and hurt himself struggling against the restraints. Mae Lyn charged the now reduced in strength enemies, but also rolled 1 and smacked her head on some probing equipment.  The rolling was very uneven this session.

Luckily the rocket drones could no longer roll a hit so this encounter was a steamroll in the opposite direction. The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.

Finally rounding up some aliens who were unarmed, and with a solid science check, our heroes could communicate with the aliens. They told Mae and Krunk a story of how none of them really wanted to be there and they were just doing this job for the benefits and how no one liked Dave, which was Probeulon’s real name. Inquiring about Sports Authority, the aliens confessed that Sports Authority had begun eating them as soon as he came on board, so they locked him in the room with the abduction beam and called it good.

Reunited (and it feels so good?)  our newly reforged trio grabbed the probe disinfectant jelly and headed to the transporter room. The aliens, all battered and bruised by the party as they ravaged the ship, were happy to see the PCs depart. Sports Authority continued chewing on an alien the entire time.

Back in Tempeh and talking to Probeulon, our heroes agreed to go after the cult operating out of Sun Devil Stadium who had stolen the gigantic probe intended for use on the leviathan. A drawing of the probe firing mechanism resulted in something looking like the Navigator from Alien. At this point the alien offered the heroes some of the leathery eggs he had collected from an intergalactic hunting craft, and we reached peaked pop culture references for this session and called it done.

It was weird, it was wild. It was Gamma World.

Back on the horse

Recently I made the grave decision I know I will soon come to regret of getting back into miniatures gaming. Not content to constrain my folly to a single game line, I have opted to start in on Infinity and Warhammer 40,000. I do this because I am a masochist to some degree. That or I hate money. One of the two. Possibly both.

I call this back on the horse and not back in the saddle because this is plastic heroin. I’m not bravely setting out on some journey of self discovery, I’m retreating back into a hobby that I know will end in rapidly escalating competitiveness, hard as nails lists, hurt feelings, massive blow ups of friendships, and finally dumping all of my collected figures either into the attic or on ebay. There is no other path.

One could argue restraint would win the day, but I am incapable of it. Already since making this decision I have spent:

$70 on an Infinity starter set
$65 on Warhammer Kill Team
$150 on  Death Masque
$50 on Codex Deathwatch
$40 on Codex Necrons
$50 on paints (and this is a fraction of what I actually need)

I started this back up last Friday and I am already $425 into this pit and showing no signs of slowing down, let alone stopping. I’ve got a list of stuff I want for my Deathwatch Kill Team and Necron army that easily doubles that number. It gets worse when I consider I’m flirting with the idea of buying a Flesh Eater Courts starter box for Age of Sigmar and heading down that path to depravity as well.

I’m not writing this because I want sympathy. I don’t want anyone to stop me. I just want to serve as a warning to others. Teach your kids about the dangers of miniatures gaming before someone else does. Or get them into it because they won’t have money for drugs.

And now some red meat: Pictures!