Episode 32 – BIRTHDAY PARTY TILL YOU PUKE

Oh, it is the most joyous of days! In this episode Brendan and Ben are joined by the third member of the Forsaken Triumvirate, Shadowsworn Adam to celebrate the birthday of the podcast you love to hate, FULL METAL RPG. We drink bubbly, we blow out candles, we recount what is best in life and what is worst. Mostly we just blather incoherently about games, but after a year… it’s what you’ve come to expect! Join us in our celebration! LISTEN NOW!

Art by Rich Nerdgore. Music by Legion and Andrew W.K.

The Shadowsworn Radio Hour – 008 – Grand Masquerade 2016

Brendan and Adam convene once again with reviews of the video presentations of the Grand Masquerade panel and subsequent Q&A. We review Forever Knight, Episode 3, and then tear into the panels. Take a listen if you haven’t seen the videos yourself, or you just want to hear or overwrought thoughts on the future and direction of White Wolf and it’s associated properties.

Music by Our Lady of Shadows, Fred Mollin, Bell, Book & Candle and In Strict Confidence

Episode 31 – Fair Game

Well here we are once again witches and wolves! In Episode 31 of FMRPG that scurrilous bastard Ben peaces out on Brendan and gaming mastermind Jim Miller gets called in as a hired gun to help keep things in order. This week the Full Metal crew is joined by the homies Richard and Darryl of the Wrecking Crew and Podcast: the Wreckening. They talk about all manners of gaming and then there’s some talk about gaming cons, especially the upcoming Arizona Game Fair. Listen in and let us know how you like the show! Thanks for tuning in cultists!

We got art my Rich Nerdgore, Music by Legion, Wolves in the Throne room and Sepultura! Get at it!

How to be a Bad Ass DM

All right, listen up fools. I’m about to drop some truth into your head holes about how to be a bad ass dungeon master, hence forth referred to as Dungeon Mastuh or DM, ‘cuz that is how a bad ass talks. They don’t have time for proper pronunciation or sounding things out in full. We have better things to do. like sneering or conditioning our leather jackets. Yeah. That is a sweet lookin’ jacket.

First up: Candles. Candle the shit out of your play space, but not so many as to actually allow people to read what is on their sheet. If the player can’t read their sheet/dice, they can’t argue with you when you tell them than no, they actually failed that save and now they are a statue. A bad ass DM doesn’t take back talk from the players. You want your gaming area to look like a medieval tavern where the owner doesn’t have enough coin for torches, despite the fact you are actually at your kitchen table in the suburbs and have proper light sources that would actually allow you to see what is going on. Ambiance, suckas.

Second: Mirror shades. Wear ’em. “But Adam, with the low light from the candles I can’t see a thing!” First off, who told you that you could speak to me? Second, you don’t need to see anything if you have ‘tude. You are a bad ass. You are making this shit up as you go along. If the lighting is bad enough, it doesn’t matter. The players can’t see a damn thing either. If you really need to catch a peek at something, you can always stare down at your players in disgust from over the top of your shades. That is what cool guys do.

Third: Fingerless gloves. Wear ’em. Also, spike your hair. That is what cool people do. If you don’t look like the villain from an 1980’s vampire flick, you are doing it wrong. Try again. Got leather pants/skirt and a mesh shirt? Even better. “But Adam, now my legs are dumping sweat and my torso is freezing!” Deal with it, cry baby. Let your players learn to avert their eyes from your dagger like nipples.

Fourth: Random acts of violence. Hit your players. They deserve it. “But Adam, battery is illegal, besides, these are my friends!” WRONG. Players are the enemy. They deserve a smack. Light ’em up. They need to FEAR you.

Fifth: Music. Crank that shit. This plays into the candle thing. If it is loud enough, the players can’t argue that you said you rolled a 19 vs their AC rather than a 20, which would hit. Oh, you couldn’t hear me over Cradle of Filth? Boo hoo. Too bad. I guess your Gnome Enchanter is DEAD. Roll up a REAL character this time, like a wandering Drow outcast suffering from depression.

Sixth: Swords. Fucking. EVERYWHERE. Got a wall? Throw a sword up on there as decoration. Or an axe. Or a shield with two swords. Basically your house better look like a weapons museum. Got kids? Too bad. They’ll learn not be touching that stuff eventually. You know, once they bleed a few times or end up short a couple digits.

Seventh: Proper session prep and story. You don’t need ’em. You are flying by the seat of your (leather) pants. You can make something up. If they players don’t like it, pretend you said something else or they weren’t listening. Or hit them. You’ve got options, is my main point.

And that, friends, is how you be a bad ass DM. Of course, if you actually want to be a GOOD DM, then you can throw all this advice out the window, because it kind of sucks. Now if you will excuse me, I need to peel myself out of these stupid pants and hope I don’t accidentally walk into a wall along the way.